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Setting Your Boundaries

Boundaries-are-personal-property-lines

By Nancy Levin

1. Make a list of what you want, but don’t yet have, in different areas of your life.

Make sure to include work life, home life, relationships, health, finances, spiritual path, and any other areas that are important to you.

2. Make a list of what you will never tolerate again in your life.

For me, this list included my husband’s threats and demands, as well as my own need to overachieve.

3. How would you like to strengthen boundaries in various areas of your life?

  • I want to strengthen my boundaries around health by ___________.
  • I want to strengthen my boundaries around finances by ___________.
  • I want to strengthen my boundaries around relationships by ___________.
  • I want to strengthen my boundaries around fun by ___________.
  • I want to strengthen my boundaries around ________ by ___________.

4. Choose three of these boundaries that you are willing to set in different areas of your life this week.

Commit to making these changes. In some cases, you might have to declare your boundary to someone else, such as “I’m not going to pick you up from work every day.” In other cases, you may just take a different action to set your boundary.

The three boundaries I will set this week are:

  • ___________
  • ___________
  • ___________

5. If you worry about someone else’s reaction to a boundary you have set, speak in your mind to the person’s higher self, requesting understanding, reason, and compassion.

Then, offer the same to this individual when you declare your boundary. If you can remain calm, it will be easier for the other person to stay calm, too. Practice what you will say in the mirror or to a trusted friend, if necessary, in order to keep your composure.

6. If you need to set a boundary with an adult who is very dependent upon you, visualization can help.

After one of my presentations, a woman came up to me and said that she would never be able to leave her husband because he can’t live without her. He may believe that, but his belief doesn’t make it true.

If you need to set a boundary with an adult who is very dependent upon you, try visualizing that you have an invisible thread connecting your solar plexus (the flat area in the center of your torso, between your bottom ribs) with the solar plexus of this person.

Imagine what it would be like to cut that thread, and visualize placing your loved one in the arms of his/her higher self. Is it frightening? Do you feel like you’re abandoning him/her?

If you have an attachment to someone else that is dysfunctional, this exercise is a way that you can begin to disengage from that attachment so that both of you can grow into the independent people you’re meant to be.

If you need help with boundary setting in your job, relationships or elsewhere, please contact Therapy in Barcelona and see if we can help.

Original article can be viewed here