Moving to a new country is often painted as an adventure, filled with excitement, new opportunities, and the thrill of the unknown. But alongside the excitement, there’s a less glamorous reality: loneliness. For many internationals, the experience of feeling isolated can be overwhelming, and the question “Why is it so hard to make new friends abroad?” looms large.

In this blog post, Therapy in Barcelona Director and Founder, Australian Registered Psychologist Leigh Matthews, will delve into the reasons why making friends as an international can be so challenging, explore how to sit with and manage feelings of loneliness, and offer resources for finding and cultivating new friendships abroad. And if you’re still feeling stuck, you know Therapy in Barcelona are here to help guide your way.

The Challenge of Making Friends Abroad

1. Cultural Differences

One of the most significant barriers to forming friendships in a new country is cultural differences. These differences can affect how we communicate, socialise, and form relationships. What might be considered friendly and open behaviour in your home country could be seen as intrusive or odd in your new environment. For instance, in some cultures, it’s common to make small talk with strangers, while in others, such interactions may be reserved only for people you know well.

Language barriers can also exacerbate cultural differences. Even if you speak the local language, nuances, idioms, and cultural references can make conversations feel stilted or awkward. This can lead to misunderstandings, awkward silences, and a reluctance to reach out further, reinforcing feelings of isolation.

2. Established Social Circles

In many places, locals already have well-established social circles. They’ve grown up together, gone to school together, or worked together for years. Breaking into these circles can be tough. People tend to rely on their existing friendships for socialising, which means they may not be as open to welcoming newcomers into their lives.

This isn’t necessarily a reflection of unfriendliness, but rather the comfort and ease that comes with long-term friendships. For someone new, it can feel like trying to enter a tightly knit group where everyone already knows the rules—except you.

3. Transient Nature of International Communities

In cities with large expatriate communities, there’s often a high turnover of people coming and going. While this can create opportunities to meet new people, it also means that friendships might feel fleeting or superficial. You might hesitate to invest in a friendship if you’re worried that the person will soon move away.

This transient nature can make it hard to form deep, lasting connections. There’s always a sense that both you and your new friends are in a temporary phase of life, which can make it difficult to build the trust and intimacy needed for close friendships.

4. Different Social Norms

Social norms around friendship can vary widely between cultures. In some cultures, friendships are built slowly over time, with a lot of effort and shared experiences required before someone is considered a close friend. In others, people might be more open to quickly forming connections.

If you come from a culture where friendships are quickly established and move to one where relationships develop more slowly, it can feel like you’re constantly on the outside looking in. You might find yourself second-guessing whether someone is truly interested in being friends or if they’re just being polite.

5. Personal Barriers

On top of external factors, personal barriers can also play a significant role in the difficulty of making friends abroad. Moving to a new country is a major life change, and it can bring up feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and homesickness. These emotions can make you less likely to put yourself out there and take social risks.

For example, if you’re struggling with self-doubt or feeling out of place in your new environment, you might interpret a neutral or ambiguous social interaction as a rejection. Over time, this can lead to withdrawing from social opportunities, creating a cycle of loneliness and isolation.

Sitting with Loneliness

It’s important to acknowledge that loneliness is a natural and valid emotion, especially when you’re in a new and unfamiliar environment. Rather than trying to avoid or suppress these feelings, learning to sit with them can be a powerful way to navigate this challenging time.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in dealing with loneliness is to acknowledge it. It’s okay to feel lonely, and it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. Trying to push these feelings away or pretend they don’t exist can actually make them more intense.

Take time to reflect on what you’re feeling and why. Are you missing specific people or activities from home? Do you feel like you don’t belong in your new environment? Understanding the root of your loneliness can help you address it more effectively.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to be hard on yourself when you’re feeling lonely, especially if you’re comparing your experience to others who seem to be thriving in their new environment. But remember that everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no “right” way to adjust to life abroad.

Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Recognise that making friends in a new country is challenging, and it’s okay to struggle.

3. Find Comfort in Solitude

While loneliness is an unpleasant emotion, solitude can be a more positive experience. Learning to enjoy your own company and find comfort in solitude can help you feel more at peace with your situation.

This might involve engaging in activities that you enjoy on your own, such as reading, hiking, or exploring your new city. It can also mean taking time to reflect, meditate, or journal about your experiences. By shifting your perspective, you can begin to see solitude as an opportunity for self-discovery and growth.

4. Reach Out to Others

Even though making friends can be challenging, it’s important to keep putting yourself out there. This doesn’t mean you need to force yourself into social situations that make you uncomfortable, but rather, finding small, manageable ways to connect with others.

This could be as simple as striking up a conversation with a colleague, joining a local club or group, or attending community events. Remember that building friendships takes time, and even small interactions can help you feel more connected.

Finding New Friends Abroad: Resources and Strategies

While it can be tough to make friends in a new country, there are plenty of resources and strategies that can help you build connections and create a sense of community.

1. Join Expat Groups and Communities

One of the easiest ways to meet people who are in a similar situation is by joining expat groups or communities. These groups are often full of people who are also looking to make friends, and they can provide a supportive environment where you can share your experiences and challenges.

Look for local expat groups on social media platforms like Facebook, Meetup, or Internations. Many cities also have specific organisations or clubs for internationals, where you can meet people with similar interests and backgrounds.

2. Language Exchanges

If you’re in a country where you’re still learning the language, participating in a language exchange can be a great way to meet locals and improve your language skills at the same time. Language exchanges typically pair you with someone who wants to learn your language, and you spend part of the time speaking in each language.

These exchanges can lead to meaningful connections, as you’re both helping each other achieve a common goal. Plus, it’s a low-pressure way to practice conversation and learn more about the local culture.

3. Volunteer

Volunteering is another excellent way to meet people and get involved in your new community. By contributing your time and skills to a cause you care about, you can connect with others who share your values and interests.

Many cities have volunteer opportunities ranging from helping at local shelters to participating in environmental clean-up projects. Not only does volunteering help you meet new people, but it also gives you a sense of purpose and belonging in your new environment.

4. Take a Class or Join a Club

Taking a class or joining a club is a fantastic way to meet people with similar interests. Whether it’s a cooking class, a sports team, or a book club, shared activities provide a natural way to connect with others.

Look for local classes, clubs, or hobby groups in your area. Many of these are open to newcomers and provide a structured environment where you can get to know people over time.

5. Attend Networking Events

If you’re working abroad, attending networking events in your industry can be a good way to meet both locals and other internationals. These events are designed for making professional connections, but they can also lead to friendships.

Check out industry-specific events, conferences, or seminars in your city. Even if you don’t make close friends immediately, networking can help you feel more integrated into your professional community.

6. Use Social Media and Apps

In today’s digital age, there are numerous apps and social media platforms designed to help people make friends. Apps like Bumble BFF, Meetup, and Couchsurfing can connect you with others who are also looking to make friends.

Social media can also be a powerful tool for connecting with people in your new city. Follow local pages, participate in discussions, and don’t be afraid to reach out to people online. Many friendships start with a simple message or comment.

7. Be Patient and Persistent

Lastly, it’s important to be patient and persistent in your efforts to make friends. Building meaningful relationships takes time, and it’s normal to experience setbacks along the way. Don’t get discouraged if your first attempts at making friends don’t go as planned.

Keep putting yourself out there, and eventually, you’ll find people who resonate with you. Remember, you’re not alone in feeling lonely or isolated—many others are in the same boat and are also looking to connect.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey

Feeling lonely and struggling to make friends abroad is a common experience, but it’s one that you can navigate with the right mindset and resources. By understanding the challenges, sitting with your loneliness, and actively seeking out new connections, you can build a fulfilling social life in your new home.

Remember that making friends in a new country is a journey, and like any journey, it will have its ups and downs. Embrace the process, be kind to yourself, and stay open to the possibilities that each new day brings. Before long, you’ll find that you’ve not only made new friends but also grown in ways you never imagined.

So, whether you’re just starting your journey abroad or have been feeling lonely for a while, know that you’re not alone, and that there are steps you can take to build the friendships and connections you’re seeking. With patience, persistence, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, you’ll find your place in your new community.

If you need some support along the way, our team of international therapists have experience of life as an international and strategies to help you move forward. Book your free discovery call today.

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Creating a Sense of Belonging as an International: Tips for Building Community Abroad

From Unpacking to Settling In: Navigate your Country Move with Cultural Fluency

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